1

Ironies

 

• Politics divide us, terrorism unite us.

 

• Everyone is in hurry, but no one reaches in time.

 

• Actors earn more money playing sportspersons, than the sportspersons earn in their entire career.

 

• Most people who fight over religious books, have probably never read any of them.

 

• We spend more on our daughter’s wedding than on her education.

 

• The shoes that we wear are sold in air conditioned show rooms, the vegetables that we eat are sold on the footpaths.

 

• Seeing a policeman makes us nervous rather than feeling safe.

 

• In competitive exams, a person writes a brilliant 1500 words essay about how dowry is a social evil and cracks the exam by impressing everyone. One year later his parents demand a dowry in crores, because he is become an officer.

 

• We are obsessed with screen guards on their smartphones even though most come with scratch proof gorilla glass but never bother wearing a helmet while riding bikes.

 

• Artificial lemon flavour is used for “welcome drink” and real lemon is used in “finger bowl”

 

2

Funny

 

– I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

 

– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

– I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

 

– If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

– Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

 

– I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

 

– Every time someone comes up with a fool proof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

 

– If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

 

– A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

 

– Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

 

– There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

 

– Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

 

– He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

– Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

 

– Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

 

– I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

 

– The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it…

 

3

Low Budget Airlines

 

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