Month: August 2021

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INTERESTING BYTES

1

Ironies

 

  • Politics divide us, terrorism unite us.

 

  • Everyone is in hurry, but no one reaches in time.

 

  • Actors earn more money playing sportspersons, than the sportspersons earn in their entire career.

 

  • Most people who fight over religious books, have probably never read any of them.

 

  • We spend more on our daughter’s wedding than on her education.

 

  • The shoes that we wear are sold in air conditioned show rooms, the vegetables that we eat are sold on the footpaths.

 

  • Seeing a policeman makes us nervous rather than feeling safe.

 

  • In competitive exams, a person writes a brilliant 1500 words essay about how dowry is a social evil and cracks the exam by impressing everyone. One year later his parents demand a dowry in crores, because he is become an officer.

 

  • We are obsessed with screen guards on their smartphones even though most come with scratch proof gorilla glass but never bother wearing a helmet while riding bikes.

 

  • Artificial lemon flavour is used for “welcome drink” and real lemon is used in “finger bowl”

 

2

Funny

 

– I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

 

– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

– I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

 

– If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

– Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

 

– I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

 

– Every time someone comes up with a fool proof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

 

– If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

 

– A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

 

– Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

 

– There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

 

– Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

 

– He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

– Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

 

– Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

 

– I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

 

– The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it…

 

3

Low Budget Airlines

 

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INTERESTING BYTES: Short Stories

 

Ten short stories with deep meanings.

 

1) She was very excited today, as the school was re-opening after a long summer break. Now, once     again, she could start selling stationery at the traffic signal to feed her family.

 

2) She, a renowned artist and a strict mother, often scolded her 6-year-old son for he could never draw a line straight. As he breathed slowly into the ventilator, she begged him to make one more crooked line on the ECG.

 

3) “Everyone goes with the flow… but the one who goes against it becomes someone remarkable.” Before I could explain this to the traffic police, the man issued me a fine.

 

4) Their love was different. She was happy every time he kicked her in the stomach. Every time he kicked she loved him more. She waited for the time she would hold her baby for the first time.

 

5) All my toys are yours..!  Read her brother’s death note.

 

6) They took his father, and only returned a flag.

 

7) At 25, I became a mother of one; at 27 I became a mother of two; and today, at 55, I have become a mother of three!  My son got married today, and brought home his wife!

 

8) “Born to rich parents, this boy is so lucky,” exclaimed the neighbours! Somewhere in heaven, three unborn sisters cried.

 

9) “You ruined my career, I was supposed to be an Executive Director,” she thought to herself.  The little angel held her finger tightly and she forgot everything; a mother was born.

 

10) Once a 5-year-old boy was standing barefoot in the shallow water of the ocean. He was repeating the same sentence to the waves – “Even if you touch my feet a thousand times, I won’t forgive you for taking my parents away.

 

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Best of PG Wodehouse

 

Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE was an English author and one of the most widely read humourists of the 20th century. Born in Guildford, the third son of a British magistrate based in Hong Kong, Wodehouse spent happy teenage years at Dulwich College, to which he remained devoted all his life.

 

 

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

 

 

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

 

 

 

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

 

 

 

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when”.

 

 

I always advise people never to give advice.

 

 

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

 

 

 

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn’t.

 

 

And she has got brains enough for two, which is exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

 

 

When I see lovers’ names carved on trees, I don’t think it’s sweet. I only wonder how many people bring a knife on a date .

 

 

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

 

 

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

 

 

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

 

 

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

 

 

You’re one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It’s a great gift.

 

 

Every day you seem to know less and less about more and more.

 

 

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